Aliens Say the Darndest Things
by denise1
Summary: A challenge fic, season six, with Jonas


About a week ago, Kelly posted a list of things you could say on Thanksgiving that you couldn't say any other time…mostly double entendres…so, you can blame her for this.

Aliens Say the Darndest Things

By

Denise

Janet sighed and surveyed her kitchen one last time, ticking items off her mental list. One thing she'd forgotten when she suggested hosting Thanksgiving dinner for SG-1 plus a few others was just how much work it was to cook a large meal for a large group. Her kitchen counters looked like a small war had taken place, nearly every horizontal surface cluttered with something.

The doorbell rang and she jumped a bit, glancing at her watch. Someone was early. Wiping her hands off on a towel, she made her way to the front door, hoping that this was not going to be one of Cassie's teenager days. Opening the heavy door, she frowned.

"Doc, something wrong?" Jack asked, looking over his shoulder at the rest of SG-1 plus General Hammond.

"No. No. I just didn't expect everyone to come at once. Come in, come in." She stepped back to allow the group to enter the house. The next few minutes was a flurry of coats and food, people scrambling to put both away without messing up any of it.

Predictably, Jack, Jonas, Teal'c and Hammond gravitated towards the living room, leaving Sam and Janet to the kitchen. "Look at it this way," Janet consoled. "They have football, we have wine." She picked up the bottle and poured two glasses.

"What's still left to do?" Sam asked, taking a large drink of the alcohol.

"Just the potatoes and gravy. The turkey should almost be done."

Sam bent over and peeked into the oven. "Wow. That's the biggest one I've ever seen."

"With Jonas and Teal'c eating…I needed a big one. It's the only way I'll be able to handle all these guys at once."

"How do you know when it's done?" Sam asked, cocking her head and frowning at the brown skinned bird.

"You know it's ready when it pops up."

"You mean that little red thingie?"

Janet moved to squat down beside her, staring through the tiny window. "Yep." She motioned Sam back and reached for her oven mitts. She pulled the bird out of the oven as Jonas walked into the room. Sam chuckled quietly. She was surprised he'd lasted this long.

"Wow! Talk about a huge breast," he said, admiring the bird. Janet set the turkey down on the counter; her cheeks flushed from the heat from the oven. "What's that?" he asked, pointing at the fluffy stuffing bulging out between the turkey's legs. "Is it part of the bird?"

"It's stuffing," Sam supplied.

"Stuffing?"

"Bread and spices," Janet said. "You just spread the legs open and stuff it in, hence the name."

"And then if you tie the legs together, it keeps the insides moist," Sam said. "That's what I heard on Martha Stewart," she said to Janet's skeptical look.

While the turkey cooled a bit, the two women set Jonas to preparing the mashed potatoes so they could put the various foods into serving dishes. "How long do I have to beat it before it's ready?" he asked, biting his tongue slightly in his efforts to keep the mixer from throwing starchy white potato chunks around the room.

"Just a few more minutes," Janet said, carefully spooning creamy gravy into a boat. They carried the food out to the table, the aromas finally dragging the other men from the TV and to the table.

"Whew, that's one terrific spread," Jack complimented while Hammond took his place at the head of the table. Everyone else quickly claimed chairs and started to pass bowls around while the general carved the turkey. "White or dark?" he asked, candlelight flickering off the sharp carving knife in his hands.

"I am in the mood for dark meat, General Hammond," Teal'c said, holding out his plate.

"Me too," Jonas spoke up. "A leg please."

"You just wait your turn, you'll get some," Hammond said, slicing into the white meat. He passed the slices of meat around, then cut off the two legs, giving one to each of them.

Jonas picked up his knife and fork, studying the leg intently. "Jonas Quinn, like this." Teal'c brandished his turkey leg like a dagger. Jonas did the same and Teal'c held his out. The men had a mock sword fight with their dinners.

"Don't play with your meat, boys," Sam said rolling her eyes at her alien teammates.

Conversation tapered off as the gathered people concentrated more on their food than each other. Finally, plates were clean and one by one, they sat back, sighing heavily.

"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst," Jack muttered, rubbing his belly.

"Indeed, O'Neill," Teal'c agreed.

Janet picked up her wineglass, sharing a conspiratorial look with Sam. "Well boys, we cooked. You clean," she said, getting up from the table.

"Excuse me?" Jack asked.

"Dish soap's under the sink," Sam said, joining the doctor. The two women sat on the couch; Cassie joining them as they struggled to keep their giggles down, listening to the men fumble their way through clearing the table.

"Your kitchen may never be the same again," Sam said.

"We had fifteen teenaged girls in there last week, if it can survive that, it can survive two aliens and two bachelors."

"Mom," Cassie protested. "It wasn't that bad."

There came the sound of shattering glass and muttered curses. "You're right, Cass. They're worse," Janet said. The trio sat back and relaxed, Sam getting up once to retrieve the bottle of wine, even pouring Cassie a small amount.

About half an hour later the men appeared from the kitchen. "You forgot the pie," Jack said balancing two pumpkin pies in his hands. "It's cool whip time."

Janet shook her head, sighing as the men set the pies down on the coffee table, cutting and serving them up. Janet accepted a piece, poking it with her fork. "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"

"Hey, that's what the cool whip is for," Jack said, piling a large amount on his piece.

Jonas mimicked his actions, the orange pie barely visible under the pile of white fluff. "This is good," the Kelwonan said.

"Anyone ready for seconds yet?" Jack asked.

"Not me," Janet said. "I didn't think I could handle all of that."

"You still have a little bit on your chin, Doctor Fraiser," Teal'c said.

She graced him with a grateful smile and wiped her face.

"That was the best," Hammond said. "Now I need a nap."

Within minutes, aliens and humans alike were snoring away, oblivious to the drone of the television.

Fin


End file.
